


Destroyed Happiness, Almost.

by LoveMeThatsAllIAskOfYou



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst and Hurt/Comfort, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-17
Updated: 2017-08-17
Packaged: 2018-12-16 14:22:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,411
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11830557
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LoveMeThatsAllIAskOfYou/pseuds/LoveMeThatsAllIAskOfYou
Summary: Alec and Magnus are in bed after the events of 2x20.  Alec looks at a sleeping Magnus and realizes he almost lost the chance to have happiness in his life.





	Destroyed Happiness, Almost.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello, everyone!
> 
> This is my first Malec fic. I noticed someone tweet about this situation and felt the need to write about it. 
> 
> I've been out of the game for literally a few years so, I'll take any constructive criticism. I'm out of practice. 
> 
> Take care. 
> 
> -Ash (@Dancing_Kiwi_89)

Alec couldn’t sleep, he was going over what happened this evening. Returning to Magnus’ after their reunion was an unbelievable feeling. From walking home with an arm wrapped around the other’s waist to being back in Magnus’ bed to watching the love of life fall asleep next to him. He was overjoyed. He wasn’t sure when he’d come off this high. 

He rolled on his side and his eyes fell on Magnus. He watched as Magnus’ chest moved up and down, all he could was smile. They were fine. Magnus was fine. He was truly back in the only place he could be himself. The only place he felt comfortable to call home. He didn’t know when he woke up this morning that this was where he’d spend his night. The thought sparked emotions he suppressed during their separation to bubble to the surface. He covered his mouth in shock when he felt a sob threatening to wake Magnus. He tried to push it down, everything was fine now. Silent tears started to fall down his face. He couldn’t believe he was here. He never believed in luck until this gorgeous warlock entered his life and Alec almost destroyed it. The sob escaped causing Magnus to stir and slowly open his eyes. 

“Alexander?”

“Shh, Magnus, go back to sleep” 

Magnus more alert to the wet sound of Alec’s voice, “Darling, what’s wrong?”

“Nothing, Magnus, please go back to sleep. You used so much energy today.” 

Magnus turned on his side to face him wiping tears off Alec’s cheeks. Alec nuzzled into his touch. Alec may not be the most affectionate person but Magnus was his lifeline. The little composure he had was lost as Alec let himself cry. He was feeling too much at once. He wasn’t used to this feeling. 

This caused an alarmed Magnus to reach his arm around Alec and pull him closer. Their foreheads were touching and Magnus continued to brush tears away with his thumb. He kissed Alec’s forehead softly and questioned, “ Oh, sweetheart, why are you crying?”

He couldn’t look at Magnus. When Alec inhaled to get the courage to speak, the unsteadiness of his breath didn’t go unnoticed but he had to say it now or he never would. 

“I never thought I’d be allowed back in your heart. I thought I would have to be the person I was before I met you. I have never been so afraid of myself. When I told you that I couldn’t think straight, I wasn’t lying. You were the only person who saw the true potential in me and when you walked away, I felt like I was drowning. Just now, watching you sleep, it hit me that I almost destroyed the best thing that has or ever will happen to me.”

The audible gasp that came from Magnus caused Alec to look up to see a surprised expression on Magnus’ face when he asked, “I’m the best thing that has happened to you? But you are the head of the New York Institute, that was always your dream. You almost married Lydia to have it.” 

“Of course you are. Don’t forget that I walked out of that wedding to be with you. Dreams change, Magnus. I… I didn’t realize how much mine changed until you weren’t there anymore. I didn’t realize how much I looked forward to your texts and calls until my phone never rang.” He paused to catch his breath and continued, ”I didn’t notice how much I missed your affection until you were in the room and looked right through me. I didn’t see how integrated you were in my life until I woke up reaching out for you and remembered that I didn’t have that privilege. I always knew I loved you but I took for granted that you’d always be there. I was supposed to be different than the other 17,000 but I still hurt you.” 

Magnus sighed, “You are different. No matter how it hurt, I never stopped loving you, not for a second. I kept trying to put up walls to keep you out then you’d look at me and they would crumble. I was more frustrated that I couldn’t keep you out. When I thought I couldn’t have you and be a competent leader it burned me to the core. I know I was cold towards you but I didn’t know how to be anything other than that. I was bitter that I couldn’t have both. I took it out on everyone, not just you. You just got the worst of it. I apologize for that. Don’t get me wrong, I was angry that you lied to me because I thought I could always count on your honestly but I’ve forgiven you. The situation was hard to navigate even for someone experienced, like me. Valentine brought the worst out of everyone. I trusted the Seelie Queen.”

“Magnus, don’t apologize. I understood, it just hurt more than I thought it would. The leader in me knew you were doing what you felt was best but the man that loved you felt a hole in his heart that he didn’t know how to deal with. I don’t know how you dealt with me lashing out while I was trying so desperately to hide the fact I was gay. You made me a better person.” 

They stayed in silence for a few minutes while Magnus ran his hand up and down Alec’s arm. The action caused Alec’s tears to completely subside. Magnus brought a hand and placed it under Alec’s chin to make sure he’d look Magnus in the eye. 

“Alexander, I love you and I need to make myself clear. Under no circumstances are you to hide yourself from the world. If I hadn’t heard your cries you would have kept the guilt inside. I need you to tell me when you feel like this, I am your boyfriend. You are never a burden. We made the decision to put effort into this. I want to see all sides of you. The good and the bad. Now, let's get some sleep, I have plans for us tomorrow and none of which include leaving this apartment”

Alec’s eyes teared up, “Magnus, I’m afraid to close my eyes. I am afraid that I’ll wake up at the Institute and that this will have been a dream.” 

Magnus rolled onto his back and ushered Alec towards him. As Alec’s head landed on his boyfriend’s chest he heard the sound of Magnus’ heartbeat. The sound calmed him. Magnus was here and he still loved Alec. He started to drift off as Magnus ran his fingers through Alec’s hair. The weight of the day began to disappear. 

“I love you, Magnus, more than I know how to express with words”

“I know, darling, I love you too. You didn’t do too bad earlier, Mr. Romantic”

“I wasn’t being romantic. I was just stating a fact. I don’t think I can live without....”

Magnus interrupted, “Shh, that’s enough my beautiful Shadowhunter, time to sleep. I’m not going anywhere.”

When he heard Alec’s soft little snores his hand stilled for a moment, he had missed his Alexander. He knew it must have been hard for Alec to open up like he did. Today was a hard day for everyone involved. Hearing Alec scream in pain will haunt him for while but as he looked down to the man in his arms, he knew they’d okay. Magnus was about to follow Alec to sleep when he heard the sound of his phone buzzing. He knew he could ignore it but it could be important. The hours for the High Warlock of Brooklyn were unconventional. He saw a text notification from Jace. 

Jace: Thank you, I can sense Alec is feeling better. I wasn’t sure he was going to make it without you. 

Magnus: How do you know it was me? 

Jace: Don’t play dumb, we both know that Alec only relaxes around you. You are the only one who gets him to drop his tough exterior. He hasn’t relaxed since you left after Max recovered. 

Magnus: Goodnight, Jace. 

He put the phone down. Alec sighed contently in his sleep. Magnus closed his eyes with a smile. He had his Shadowhunter back. Jace was still alive. Valentine was dead. He knew that a new day meant a new problem could arise but for now, he could sleep.


End file.
